© aren't we possessed by possession?

Love. We live and breathe the word. We sing about it, we read about it. Some of us use the word everyday; others use it with more care. Some never use it. But what it means to you is not necessarily what it means to me. We claim we love so easily. But do we, really? Or do we confuse it with something entirely different?

So many of us try to pin love down. Contain it. We create contracts for it and call it marriage. We create rules. We tell our loved one that, since he loves us now, there are certain things he can’t do anymore. Look at other women. Flirt. Find other women beautiful. Sometimes he can’t even go out with friends without us. HE has to become WE, at anytime, any place, anywhere. We check his mails, messages and don’t ever think that this is a bad idea (no secrets, right?). We are sometimes even proud we have these rules, because after all, we both agreed upon it. This is how love, how relationships work, and if you don’t get it, then you are naïve.

It strikes me again and again that there is so little embarrassment or shame in people who do this. Sometimes there’s even pride.

Is this love? I don’t think so.

The beauty of love is that it is never certain. Uncertainty is the very essence of love. Being in a relationship with someone, means choosing each other, every day. We can create all the rules and regulations we want, if one day someone decides it’s over, it’s over.

Love needs to breathe, needs to be trusted. Needs the freedom to love and grow. Love does not mean control, but the exact opposite. It is the most fragile and beautiful state of being, incomprehensible. Love needs to be shared. You cannot say you love, and then forbid the object of your affection to love anyone else but you. Sometimes jealousy even goes as far as being jealous of friends or family. After all, the only person he should love, feel the need to love, is me, right? Right?

This thought terrifies me. This is not love. This is selfishness to the core. And insecurity, deep-rooted insecurity. I feel in every fibre of my being, that this is not right.

Love should make us want to grow, make us better, lift us up. Of course it is not easy. Love constantly confronts us with ourselves, our own insecurities and doubts. But you can choose to let love enrich your life, instead of shrinking it down. And I don’t understand why so many choose not to grow. Is it our never-ending quest for security and certainty? Of having control over our lives? But we don’t. We never do. And instead of fearing uncertainty, we should embrace it. Love in the moment. Give love, not take it away. Not let fear of loss destroy the incredible beauty of it. The fact that we can be un-chosen by our beloved at any moment also means that every moment spent together, is a chosen moment together. And what is more beautiful than this mutual choice to be in each other’s time?

Let’s not try to define love. Let us set it free so that it can grow, and in doing so, set ourselves free. After all, all that is beautiful, is wild and free.